i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we made out on top of his cat.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
