just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
