The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
