well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
