Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
