im drinking this country out of the recession.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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