ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
