WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
