dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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