i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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