I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
