Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
