I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
