she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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