She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
