Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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