Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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