in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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