Just fell off a train. Bad.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
we're so committed to being not committed
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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