I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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