I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
