well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
