she smelled like a LAN party
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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