i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
