You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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