Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i was born a porn star she said
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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