Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
last night I used snow as a chaser
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
