His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
