I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
