i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
