I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
