I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize