Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
