Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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