I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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