I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
