i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
