I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
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This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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