you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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