My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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