took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
