If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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