Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
