I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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