Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you win again, gameday.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
