i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
