Just mADE A PArabola og urine
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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