I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
