If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
