Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
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My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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