from now on my penis is your penis
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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