I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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