Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
