i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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