What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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