I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
