He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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