careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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