i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
