Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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