we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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