Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
