I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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