Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
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the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
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Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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