time to smoke my breakfast
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
