I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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