My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
