If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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