Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
