I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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