I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
