Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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