So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
