thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
