His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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