Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
