I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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