Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i out mim tonsoeep
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
