my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I need to sanitize my soul.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
