I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize