i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
