this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
