New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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