there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm both gender and math confused
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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