So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
