I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
