i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
